Finding Home
In Times of Upheaval: Navigating the Change We Don’t Choose
Change is happening at an overwhelming pace, here in America and across the globe. The political landscape is volatile, trust in institutions is fraying, and for many, the future feels uncertain. So many people have lost their sense of home.
And the loss of home is heartbreaking.
Whether you’ve lost your work home due to layoffs, your physical home to a wildfire or financial hardship, or your heart’s home due to a breakup or the death of a loved one – you know this kind of heartbreak. You’ve felt the grief, fear, frustration, and uncertainty that come in the aftermath of a loss. Perhaps you are feeling it right now.
When the Ground Shifts Beneath Us
There I was, on a regular midweek afternoon, suddenly without a home.
The breakup I never saw coming blindsided me. In a single afternoon several years ago, I went from having a home and a relationship I loved to being homeless, both physically and emotionally.
Reeling, I reached out to my network of friends and acquaintances. To my amazement, my community rallied. I had only been in Montana for a couple of years, but the relationships I had invested in showed up in a big way. I slept on friends’ couches and in their guest rooms for a few weeks before making my way back to Oslo, where I created a temporary home in a relative’s empty flat.
Deep Loss
A couple of months later, during a particularly emotional conversation, all the grief, anger, and sadness overflowed like the Yellowstone River in spring melt. I was coming to terms with a loss that struck at the core of my being: the loss of home.
Yes, I mourned the relationship and the future I had imagined. But the deeper grief was tied to losing the home I had built – the place where I had begun to root myself as soon as I arrived in Montana.
I had put down roots quite literally, spending endless hours transforming the overgrown backyard into a flowering garden. Digging in the dirt, tending to plants, watching new life take shape; it made me feel grounded, like I was growing into the place alongside the plants I was nurturing. 🌱
Ownership Beyond the Deed
A home isn't just a physical space, it’s where our hearts anchor, where our identities flourish.
For the first time in over a decade, I had felt truly at home. After years of feeling transient and untethered, I had found a place where my soul felt at peace – only to have it suddenly taken away.
Someone else may have held the title to the house, but my sense of ownership was woven into every corner, every wall, every quiet moment spent there. Creating a home is an investment of time, heart, passion, and creativity. The loss wasn’t just of property. It felt like losing a part of myself.
I am not alone in this.
Across America, people are grappling with profound loss – political uncertainty, economic instability, social division. The landscape is shifting, and many feel adrift, uprooted, unmoored.
Moving Forward
Change – especially the kind we don’t choose – can break us. But it can also rebuild us.
I learned that resilience is not about avoiding pain, it’s about moving through it. It’s about allowing ourselves to feel deeply, to express honestly, and to confront rather than avoid the realities of transition.
Finding Stability in the Chaos
Times of upheaval can feel like a force beyond our control, sweeping away everything we cherish. When we lose our sense of stability, we crave control. We want to believe that if we hold on tightly enough, we can make things feel safe again.
But the truth is, there isn’t much we can control.
We can’t control outcomes. We can’t control other people, their actions, or their reactions. We can’t even control our own emotions all the time.
But we can influence them.
As my first leadership coach, Steve Laswell, would say:
"Leadership is letting go of control in order to gain influence."
When we release the illusion of control over things beyond our reach, we actually become more effective in shaping outcomes. Instead of expending energy trying to control circumstances, we can focus on what we can influence: our mindset, our response, and how we show up for others.
Building Resilience: Three Steps Forward
1. Ground Yourself.
Reconnect with your values and what remains steady. When everything around you feels uncertain, your values, your inner strength, and the things that truly matter; these are your anchors.
2. Find Your Circle.
Lean into trusted relationships, community, and support. We are not meant to navigate hardship alone. Whether it’s a friend, a mentor, or a shared community, finding your circle creates stability when everything else feels shaky.
3. Take Small Actions.
Move forward, even when the path isn’t clear. The smallest steps create momentum. Even when you don’t know exactly where you’re going, movement itself is an act of hope.
Dropping Anchor: Leadership, Community & Home
🌱 Leadership isn’t just about running organizations, it is about guiding others through uncertainty. The best leaders don’t have all the answers, but they offer something even more important: reassurance, direction, and hope.
🌱 Community is a stabilizer in chaotic times. We find strength together. Resilience is not built in isolation. In times of uncertainty, investing in relationships, whether that means asking for help or offering it, creates a foundation of stability.
🌱 Home is more than a place. It is a feeling of belonging, of safety, of being rooted in something lasting. When everything feels in flux, home can be the thing that reminds us we still have somewhere to land.
A Call to Action & Hope
In times of upheaval, it’s easy to feel powerless, to believe that change is something that happens to us, rather than something we can influence. But even in the most uncertain moments, we still have choices. We can choose how we respond. We can choose where we direct our energy. We can choose to cultivate resilience, to create stability where we can, and to hold onto hope, even when the path forward is unclear.
Dr. Chan Hellman, founding director of the University of Oklahoma Hope Research Center, and a leading researcher on the science of hope, defines hope as:
"The belief that the future will be better than today, and that we have the power to make it so."
Hope is not blind optimism or naïve positivity. It is a cognitive process, a way of seeing the world that helps us persist through adversity. Hope reminds us that we are not stuck.
You are not powerless.
Even in the most difficult transitions, you have choices. You can lead. You can build community. You can create a sense of home – within yourself, in your connections, and in the spaces you create.
A Moment of Reflection
As you think about your own journey through change, consider:
What’s one thing that grounds you when things feel unstable?
How can you show up as a leader, even in small ways, during uncertain times?
What does home mean to you right now? Has it changed?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment below or share your reflections with me. Let’s create a conversation about resilience, transition, and the search for home – because no one should have to navigate change alone.
Your words may be the light someone else needs to find their way.